Tonight at church we were talking about statuses and what status we have in life and i couldn't think of my status and there was a poem and one of the lines said everyone waiting for me to fail.... i feel like that sometimes and i knew instantly what my picture should be.
Here is the poem we heard in church.
Who am I?
who am I?
I know I'm more than an athlete or a brain, an outcast or a rebel.
But that's not the reality of high school.
I'm supposed to be discovering myself, finding myself, but somehow I've been given a label.
It feels like everyone is watching , expecting, waiting for me to fail.
I feel so desperate, alone, invisible, misunderstood, fake.
All I ever wanted was to be accepted, but now I regret some of the things I've done.
And I'm tired; I'm tired of trying to be who everybody wants me to be.
God, I know it shouldn't matter what others think, but it's hard not to.
I know you want me to be real, to be who you made me to be.
But it's easier to be that way at church, than it is at school.
Lord, help me to surrender to you. Give me courage;give me strength, because I can't do it on my own.
Help me understand that what really matters is what you see, and who you designed me to be.
Help me to be... That me.
I dont know who wrote the poem but the beginning I thought was really speaking to me, that that is the way I am and I hate how there are labels. Why can we not all just get along?
Wow I absolutely love that poem. I think everyone can relate to it some way or another. The line, "It feels like everyone is watching, expecting, waiting for me to fail," is so true no matter how twisted that sounds. I feel like some people love to see others crash and burn only to feel better about themselves or their lives. It's messed up, but we have to learn to stand taller and even if we do fall down it's our job to fight back and prove to others (but especially ourselves) that we are strong. Nice post Michelle!
ReplyDeleteI agree that poem is really amazing. Also a really great blog post in general, realllyy good. It felt really personal and gave me some insight into what you were thinking. I also find the need to prove everybody wrong when somebody says I can't. I even sometimes like to prove myself wrong when I say I can't. That is a good thing that you want to stand up for whats right. When you do succeed you can look back and say I proved them wrong.
ReplyDeleteMichelle, I am so drawn to the way you make connections between all these locations (assignment from class mixes with poem from church) in your life bringing them together in your writing.
ReplyDeleteSeems like you have a very strong mind, very determine. "I'm tired..", sometimes I'm just tired of waiting, or keep working up to do something I'm not even sure about but eventually something will happen. Good blog!
ReplyDeleteI know it's difficult in life feeling like there are such high expectations that we must meet. I really admire your passion and drive to be successful in life, by means that make YOU feel complete. It takes a very strong person to know that they will go far in life and to prove everyone's doubts wrong. I hope you accomplish all your ambitions in life and keep the strong will you seem to have, and you will go even further!
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